Sunday, February 15, 2015

Fifty Shades of Bull Crap

My wife started really fretting over seeing this movie for Valentine’s Day, even though it had been her mandate that we see it, and she had pre-purchased the tickets. Her reasoning was that they had cast the wrong people in the roles, and it was going to ruin her favorite book for her. Believe it or not, I actually believed that the movie was going to be a lot better than the reviewers who had been trashing it all over the internet were going on and on about. I was actually right, and I was actually wrong at the same time.

Just going over the movie, I would have to say that the acting was very stout. If she doesn't live a life of typecasting because of this role and who her parents are, Dakota Johnson actually should be considered a very good actress. Jamie Dorman also had a lot of hurdles to clear, as he pretty much feels about the movie the same way most of us do, and still pulled it off quite well. That is the mark of a very good actor, I’m sorry to report. Most douche-bags in Hollywood play great douche-bags because they are douche-bags, and to heap praise on them is like complimenting a beautiful rose for being a beautiful rose.

Unfortunately I don’t know how to review the story line and this is where I think a lot of people go wrong. It’s complete and utter bull crap from the moment it starts to the moment it ends. As a man who has been beaten up by the women’s movement my entire life, I felt really creepy watching this. The creepy factor was all over the first hour of the movie, as you watched a man who was a narcissistic stalker at best, to a psychopath at worst make a woman who has complete identity issues fall in love with him. Most of the time I really just wanted to shout out what was completely wrong with all of this in today’s day and age. It was complete and utter bull crap.

As the movie went into its giggle worthy perversion, you again just had a very hard time (as a man again being beaten up my entire life for being a man by women) looking at this and knowing that the original target audience was screaming feminazis and the “other” women of their generation that they held hostage. I think more than anything as I watched what really wasn't that bad of a movie (albeit very boring at times) I couldn't help but see more of that Madonna bull crap that destroyed my generation, being forced on another generation in an attempt to ruin it worse. It gets worse from there as this movie brought out some of the worst in me.

Now by the worst in me, I mean that all of the hypocrisy that forces my inner misogynist to rear its ugly head comes along. I may use that word too lightly because I always have considered women my equal and in a lot of my careers I have had women that were my superiors. I have always known when they should be my superiors, and when they shouldn't, and when we are just flat out equal. Most people would say that I am not a misogynist because of that. They would be right, but unfortunately in this “more equal” driven society there are “stereotypes” that a man is not allowed to utter, that I have never had a problem uttering. This movie brought the need to do that out of me.
  1. Women from the time I was a little Jeremy to this point where I am a big Jeremy, love more than anything to have a man they can bitch about. (Sell it elsewhere, I get sick of women who try to tell me I am wrong because of the way they are. You have seen it and you know it is true too.)
  2. Women spend way too much time trying to find the good in the bad and not enough time trying to find the good in the good. (Women spend way too much time blowing the smallest problems in a man way out of proportion, dismissing all of the good things about them and women spend too much time trying to analyze how a glaring flaw that a man would logically look at as not worth dealing with, symbolizes an inner struggle that makes that person interesting.)
  3. Despite the denial to the contrary, most women want men who are men and women who are women. (This movie accentuates this to an extreme, especially if it housewife porn like most people have labelled it)

What I unfortunately saw in Fifty Shades of Grey from start to finish was a denial of the things that three or four generations of feminists have victimized men with, being taught to the newer generation of women. This is where the movie got even sillier to me, and my wife and I were able to discuss out after the movie. No man in his right mind has gone through the emasculating educational system with the confidence to act like that. They talk about all the “trust” that she needed to have in him, but in reality a man would have to have sociopathic levels trust to be involved in that. Any man with a brain has been taught quite well at this point that a simple phone call with innuendo about something like this could wind you up in jail, financial ruin, or things even worse that I can’t think of as I write this, because my mind can’t go that low.

In theory, I can say, Hell this wasn't too bad of a movie. I like my women a little meatier and a lot more mature than Dakota Johnson, so I didn't really get aroused by the movie. I think I could actually recommend the movie to anyone that I don’t think would have the moral issues with it. I would definitely suggest hitting the Red Box when it comes out for everyone else, because this movie WILL inspire some much needed inner and outer debate. Even if it is the inner and outer debate about how full of crap the whole thing is.