Thursday, December 8, 2016

Fake News, from Life Explained, a Division of Whacko Blogs Inc.

Dateline; Hollywood.

In a surprising twist to sweeps week and the mad dash for ratings that consume the denizens of this town Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg have declared war on the Kardashians.

Claiming absolute supremacy and sovereignty of the the Household Diva / Rapper combination MarthaSnoop LTD™, filed a formal Declaration of War with the United Nations. "We have watched with disdain long enough. It is time to rid the planet of the talent-less, tawdry clan of Kardashian whose only knowledge of the kitchen is a passage to the garage."

Kim Kardashian©, in rebuttal, claimed "the garage is not by the kitchen, it is by the passage to the tennis courts, you moron." And, quickly went to the garage, past the path to the tennis courts, to have someone drive her to a reputable arms dealer. She purchased the "armed militia package" with a platoon sized small arms detachment and light artillery.

Donna Karan is said to be designing the fatigues, flak jackets, and helmets for the Kardashian Empire. Choosing a mottled green silk, "smooth, sleek, and delightful to wear." Not for the helmets, of course.

Martha and Snoop have been, it seems, storing weapons, and caches of ammunition all over the City of Angels. Additionally, they have workers digging approach tunnels and trenches outside the Kardashian Combat Base. With 105 mm artillery, and heavy mortars dug in to the hillsides surrounding the area.

Air Kardashian is patrolling the area with assault helicopters, and fighter jets borrowed from the French Government. To date they have strafed a tour bus, and set fire to a taco truck that was looking for Ventura Boulevard. No one was injured, but the burritos quickly became fajitas, and the driver made enough money to retire, even after paying a hefty royalty to the French Air Force.

It will be an interesting battle for viewers. Nothing brings publicity like a feud among reality television stars. Throw in a few casualties, and the press coverage will be endless. One sponsor, who did not want to be identified, said "we haven't been this excited since the government faked the moon landing, but you didn't hear it from me."