In a surprising twist to sweeps week and the mad dash for ratings that consume the denizens of this town Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg have declared war on the Kardashians.
Claiming absolute supremacy and sovereignty of the the Household Diva / Rapper combination MarthaSnoop LTD™, filed a formal Declaration of War with the United Nations. "We have watched with disdain long enough. It is time to rid the planet of the talent-less, tawdry clan of Kardashian whose only knowledge of the kitchen is a passage to the garage."
Kim Kardashian©, in rebuttal, claimed "the garage is not by the kitchen, it is by the passage to the tennis courts, you moron." And, quickly went to the garage, past the path to the tennis courts, to have someone drive her to a reputable arms dealer. She purchased the "armed militia package" with a platoon sized small arms detachment and light artillery.
Donna Karan is said to be designing the fatigues, flak jackets, and helmets for the Kardashian Empire. Choosing a mottled green silk, "smooth, sleek, and delightful to wear." Not for the helmets, of course.
Martha and Snoop have been, it seems, storing weapons, and caches of ammunition all over the City of Angels. Additionally, they have workers digging approach tunnels and trenches outside the Kardashian Combat Base. With 105 mm artillery, and heavy mortars dug in to the hillsides surrounding the area.
Air Kardashian is patrolling the area with assault helicopters, and fighter jets borrowed from the French Government. To date they have strafed a tour bus, and set fire to a taco truck that was looking for Ventura Boulevard. No one was injured, but the burritos quickly became fajitas, and the driver made enough money to retire, even after paying a hefty royalty to the French Air Force.
It will be an interesting battle for viewers. Nothing brings publicity like a feud among reality television stars. Throw in a few casualties, and the press coverage will be endless. One sponsor, who did not want to be identified, said "we haven't been this excited since the government faked the moon landing, but you didn't hear it from me."
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Fake News, from Life Explained, a Division of Whacko Blogs Inc.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.